Archive for May, 2011

Whoever lived in my house during the past 110 years clearly didn’t like to cook! The kitchen had no storage for pots and pans, no counter space, hideous linoleum floors, and ancient appliances.  I waited almost three years wondering when it would be the right time to renovate, and with the birth of Eliza bringing the kiddie number to three, it was definitely time to create a more family friendly space. My husband also happens to be a trained chef and he was dying to get his hands on some new appliances and to have a kitchen island where he could do prep work. With a back door, a basement door and a stairway exit to the second floor, we thought it was going to be impossible to renovate without moving walls and spending a fortune. After interviewing nearly half a dozen contractors, we found the brilliant Jei Flores from Final Touch here in New Jersey. Jei was respectful of our budget and came up with unique and interesting ways to maximize the space without breaking the bank by using a lot of what we already had.  The too-tall-to-reach cabinets were ripped out and Jei built open shelving that matched the moldings and design of the 1912 craftsman style house. He repainted the cabinets that we already had, and built an arc-shaped pantry along the entire empty wall to hold dry goods, spices, cups, plates, and glasses. The breakfast area was created by building a window seat with built-in storage. Jei then added a wraparound bookcase  for cookbooks above the breakfast nook to create a cozy library feel. The new hardware was found at Home Depot for a song. We kept the farm sink and found a new faucet online. White subway tile and a honed black granite counter top completed the look. It’s finally the room we hang out in it all the time. Ian cooks, the kids do homework and Eliza crawls around. We have a glass of wine and talk about the day at the dinner table. And no matter how late he gets home, Ian always makes a home cooked meal. A man who cooks AND a new kitchen… Aren’t I lucky? Enjoy !

 

 

 

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Baby Eliza arrived on chilly day at the end of March. But not in the usual way that a new mommy plans for an arrival. The nursery was still bare, the crib was on order, there were no onesies in the drawer. But before you chuckle and ask me why I wasn’t prepared, Eliza was due May 23rd of that year. At 32 weeks, she was quietly kicking about, and I was struggling to get through the rest of an exhausting pregnancy. I guess it wasn’t such a surprise that she came early. The doctors were already planning an early delivery, due to my ever enlarging liver and my declining health. Ask any pregnant mom about the possibility of delivering her precious baby at 31, 32, 33 weeks and she’ll no doubt burst into hysterics. I was no different. But I was in agonizing pain everyday. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. Yet I was determined that this baby was not coming out a second before she was ready. Is it not so profound, the love a mother has for a child she has never even met?

I fought a long war before that day in March when my body finally gave out and baby Eliza made her appearance. At 4 lbs. 2  oz., she came into the world screaming and surprisingly chubby. After scoring an apgar of 10, relief came over all of us and our healthy girl was whisked away to the NICU. Within 24 hours, I started to go into acute liver failure. I fought hard to stay awake, I tried desperately to nurse, but my body failed me, and I wept bitter tears as I held my baby girl in the NICU. She’d be ok, but would I? Look, I’m not going to turn every blog entry into another story about cancer…forget it. I’m not trying to be the Susan G. Komen poster girl, I’ll bore you to tears in 6 months! I’m just a Mommy. And I just do what all mothers do. In the wild, in the jungle, in the suburbs, in the city. It’s that profound love that keeps us going. The kind of love that makes people say “I don’t know how you do it!” Well, we just do it….we’re Moms. Sick, tired, exhausted, fed up…. that’s just what we do in the name of love. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here are a few photos of Eliza’s vintage inspired nursery…and Eliza, of course!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met my dear friend Nikki before my shop opened. She showed up at the door one day before the store was even open. It was August. I hadn’t taken into consideration that the “deal” on the rent didn’t include air conditioning. I was covered in sweat, lugging boxes. She turned up, looking fabulous in some terrific summer attire and said breathlessly, “Are you open? I’ve been driving by for weeks!”

Nikki soon became my favorite customer. She completely “got” my taste, and she came in often to snatch up the latest treasures. One day we started chatting about websites, and soon we were trading emails, sharing different blogs we had found. We both thought houses should be decorated in white despite children and pets, we both thought the kitchen should always look like House Beautiful was about to show up to take pictures. We both considered burlap a fabric. It was a match made in heaven.

Fast forward  two years later, I was pregnant with Eliza and cancer had started to take over my health, although I was still not aware of why I was feeling so ill. After a week long hospital stay, Nikki would discreetly leave packages at my house: copies of the latest book she’d read, issues of Country Living magazine, little cards of inspiration and the occasional text asking if I needed a Starbucks coffee if she was in the neighborhood. She quietly became the friend we’ve all dreamed of. The kind of friend who knew that after a horrible day at the hospital, what I really needed was an article on the perfect white paint. The kind of friend who knew how to be kind and caring without expecting anything back in return.

A few months later, after 7 months of an exhausting pregnancy, with my liver growing larger by the minute, my water broke at 32 weeks. I woke up knowing that there was no going back. I don’t know what she did with her own two kids that day. I don’t know what plans she had, or where she needed to be, but she showed up at my doorstep within minutes. She was there all day, she took care of the kids, and the extended family that turned up. She reassured my husband when I started to go into acute liver failure. She fed the dog, and God knows what else she did while I was in the hospital fighting for my life that week.

Nikki never keeps track of the kind things that she does. She is a friend in the truest sense. She is the kind of girl who sends cards and brings beautiful flowers and gifts because she understands that it’s the little things that bring joy. She is an amazing wife, mother, friend and career woman. She has taught me about the quiet elegance of being a good friend and a beautiful human being. I am always in awe of her and love being in her presence. Her home is no different. It is tranquil and peaceful. There are kids having sleepovers, pets running around, and constant noise and laughter. She fusses over everything when decorating, yet doesn’t care if babies or kids or dogs climb all over the furniture. It’s a house  full of happiness.

Someone once told me that if you can count your friends on one hand, you are lucky. I’ve had a hard year. I don’t always show up. I’ve often been reclusive and boring. I’m not sure the people in my life really understand how much they mean to me, but if you met Nikki, you’d know why I consider myself lucky to know her. It’s not often you meet someone who loves burlap and is a good friend… Nikki is both.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone…as Mother’s Day arrives again, I am thankful for everyday that I have with my incredible children. This is a blog post that is dear to me and to many of you, so I thought I’d republish it, since it was written back in 2011, when this blog had only a handful of followers. Now the list of Chalk Farm followers has grown into thousands, something I could have only dreamed of.

Enjoy….

Mother’s Day is here once again, and this year is particularly bittersweet for me. Last April, I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in my liver. My baby girl had arrived two months early after my liver, unbeknownst to me was riddled with cancer. Hours after having an emergency c-section, I went into acute liver failure.

My daughter Madeline, 13, and son Jake, 8, were unaware of what was going on in the hospital. A few weeks later, Mother’s day rolled around. My baby daughter was in the NICU and my family had been told that I had 8-12 weeks to live unless the chemo drugs worked fast. I remember those days so vividly. My stomach still swollen from my enlarged liver, I muddled through the day, convinced I could “fool” my children into thinking I was fine. As I stared out the window at the blossoming trees in my yard, I thought “who will take care of them?” Yes, they have a Dad and Grandparents, but….what will they do without a mom? Who will call the dentist? Who will remember to buy their favorite cereal? Who will wipe my daughter’s tears when her heart is broken for the first time? Who else but me will know how to blow dry my son’s “surfer boy” hair? And even worse, as I looked at my newborn baby girl I thought “She won’t remember me.”

I became fixated on preserving my memories. “Take videos!” I instructed my husband. Would they remember anything about me? And how would they remember me? As a sick person? With my hair falling out and my nose bleeding? Coughing and weary from the treatments? Unacceptable.

I mustered up the energy to prop myself up each day when they came home from school, splashing cold water on my face and applying blush and lipstick minutes before they walked in the door. At night, my heart would race and I would toss and turn endlessly. Would I be here? Who would replace me? Should I make lists?

Somehow, As the sleepless months went on, the chemo seemed to work. My swollen belly responded to the treatments and my liver slowly settled back into place. My jaundiced skin, still unhealthy, no longer glowed like a jar of mustard. I was exhausted, but I managed to show up for science fairs, recitals, piano lessons…I retreated into the shell of a turtle, only peering my head out at the moments I was duly needed to keep my children believing I was okay, that I was strong. That I would live….

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since that horrible diagnosis, but as I look out the window and see that same tree in my yard bursting with blossoms, I know that I have made it. Will my children ever know how close their mother was to death? I hope not. I hope every spring they admire the blossoms and smell the tulips. They don’t need to understand what I went through at their age, but I hope they know each night when I sing them to sleep, that I consider each day with them a blessing beyond all comprehension….Happy Mother’s Day.